Public Speaking, Makes Me Hide...

Good Morning!! ..... Over the last 6 months I have been avoiding a few different people, I have even gone so low as to hide in the kitchen for a whole hour( geez how embarrassing) so I would not have to speak to table 40, yes they were asking for me but was told I was unavailable ... Why? they wanted me to come and speak at a ladies conference a few weeks ago and I didn't want to... Another bold guest wanted me to speak at his church over the holidays ..... Yep I did it to him also, avoided him and finally told him I was unavailable .... I have shared over the last few years my fear of speaking .... My stomach starts hurting , my heart racing, my hands sweaty & my voice that I don't like anyway( yes I sound like a cartoon sometimes ) gets shaky and yep eventually tears .. And honestly what do I have to say that people really want to hear . Happy Beautiful Thursday y'all..... A few days ago this is what I read......"as I stood in front of my king of kings I ask him why he took me so early? You were not using the gifts I gave you and so I brought you home!!"... Wow hit me right between my eyes... It is really not about me and what makes me comfortable or happy or even calm , if it was I don't think I would be in this business but it is ALL about HIM what he is doing and to share with others the amazing journey he has put me on. Are you using the gifts he gave ? Or will you stand in front of him with these words" you didn't use the gifts I gave". My head and heart need to get on the same page..... It's not about me it's ALL about HIM....gosh it drives me crazy when he speaks and I have no choice but to listen.!!!!